Catharsis

There is a distinct difference now between the emotional self and the detached Self.

A healer is not allowed to get hurt. Not allowed to get attached.

Love needs to learn the skill of expression, of restraint, of the maturity to give the other one space and independence.

I feel the pull into the emotional drama, it's like quicksand. If I take the bait it becomes a soup of emotional thoughts and sensations. Earlier I was weak and could easily fall into this melodrama of Maya. Thoughts would run through the passages of past impressions. So strong are these past experiences and tendencies. It is hard to cut the flow of these incessant thought patterns.
Even though I see myself falling prey to these stupid delusional thoughts, I fall...

Now I can see the distinct difference between my emotional illusionary self and the true Self. Even if I get sucked into the limiting emotions of hurt or pain, I am usually able to axe the tendency to fall into emotion using the effort of awareness. Retraining the mind.

The question is why do I create these emotions in the first place? I manifest my own drama, create my own reality. From past experiences of rejection, dejection, non-reciprocation, hurt, pain, or lack of self-worth, I imagine the past repeating. Then these ill-thoughts create the same situation and perpetuate my own suffering. How do I get out of this cycle of illusions? How do I free myself from this limited self and imaginary reality spun by my mind?

There is so much peace in being non-attached. To serve from detachment. To love from dispassion. There is no entanglement. There is peace as expanded space, love as this infinite nature. You see attachment bring misery. We are free beings. Our higher selves float in the infinite expanse of space without attachment or emotions. Just pure love.

I just want to be that Love. I just want to be my True Self always. I want to fly through the galaxies smiling like a little girl holding hands with a true friend and co-traveller. Experiencing existence together. Such bliss! Only through this passage comes the knowing that I am that vast expanse...

Chahe jo tumhe pure dil se
Milata hai vo mushkil se
Aisa koi jo kahin hai
Bus vohi sabase haseen hai
Uss haanth ko...tum thaam lo
Vo meherbaa...kal ho na ho
...Har pal yaha ji bhar jiyo...jo hai samaa...Kal ho na ho...

Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi...chaav hai kabhi..kabhi hai dhoop zindagi..
...Har pal yaha ji bhar jiyo...jo hai samaa...Kal ho na ho...